So in today’s society it’s all about being present; present on social media platforms, present on the moment etc. Busy has always been perceived as being the best. Emma Gannon recently suggested that there is a recent shift in attitudes and that it’s actually becoming socially acceptable to not be “rushed off your feet” and always “catching your tail”, rather that it’s Ok to not be super busy all of the time and actually can be seen as more time efficient!
For me, I’ve felt the word “success” has always been intrinsically linked to being busy, having a successful career, having a family, basically having it all and managing the shit out of it!
However, this idea is so far from the reality that it begs the question- can anyone actually be that busy and be truly happy? Is being “busy”, being “in demand” the only way to be Successful? Is Success measured through your own eyes or through the eyes of those around you? Whose ideas on success may differ to yours? Society labels, it’s what we do now, but labels themselves can’t stick- they peal away over time, fade and can fall away completely, so can success ever be attained if it’s ever changing?
So, for me, success would have been earning money and supporting myself, owning a house, having a man who loved me and maybe kids. Then when I had a man who loves me, three kids, a home we own but it’s my OH supporting me – where is my success? Is it in the love and family? Well I would argue yes, I feel successful that we have found one another, support one another and struggle through parenting with each other (whilst trying not to kill one another!) but the reality is far from a feeling of successful!
I do not have a career, despite my obtaining a First Class Honours Degree with small children and a part-time job. I do not have my own money. I do not do any work now, and my three children are in full-time school. I cannot, and would not, be able to support myself if I needed too: scary!
The government and their shit ways has meant that my earning offset against the cost of childcare means i would merely break even at the end of a working month and would barely see my kids- where is the point in that?! £60 a day for 3 children to do before and after school club! Think about that!
I’m have full and total responsibility for the children during the working week- my OHs job has no set hours or forewarning, so he can never commit to being back in time for the kids- meaning I can only work between the hours of school. It’s a great tragedy that there is not enough school hour jobs- if you have a shorter time you get the shot done ASAP- fact!
So, my options and possibilities at attaining success in terms of financial stability and career success are greatly diminished! I hear people say “do what you love” Ok that’s great – how exactly can I make money over loving to be opinionated and debate topics?! How can I make money reading and reviewing novels? It’s all a lot more challenging that the idea of “go out and get it”, “follow your dreams” life entails responsibilities, your life isn’t always about you.
Furthermore, I have chronic IBS, which means I’m constantly fatigued, have extreme hormonal ups and downs and need a great amount of rest and sleep to be able to function on a daily basis. It sucks. I did work full time with three and I was then severely ill and miserable at home and no better off at the end of each month.
So, success, has had to shift for me. I have had to realise that managing a week without IBS is a success. That if my days mean taking my children to school, exercise, sleep, housework, rest etc, collecting kids, enabling kids to go to after school clubs and tournaments, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc, then this is Ok, I’m a success.
We are all just repeating patterns daily and if mine is dull or perceived as lazy to some, then so be it. This is a moment in time, a moment in hopefully a long life. At this moment my success has to be just learning to be Ok with what I have and I’m able to have in the now. That’s not to say I won’t strive for a career, at some point- I would to, but for now, today my success is that I’ve learned to be Ok with the cards I have been dealt at the moment! That it won’t be for ever, that one day I may have more freedom to pursue my career, but also just resting, reading and making home between 930/3 is a privilege(wasn’t one I First perceived as privilege, but it certainly is now) an opportunity to relax, to some days do nothing, to read and exercise, hobbies I need and enjoy!
Successis every changing. Don’t ever feel unsuccessful, just adjust your ideas of success as your life takes the many highs and lows it will endure x
muddledmummymoss 